running

I woke up this morning feeling like I had been running! of course I hadnt been literally running, although that probably would have been a better idea, but my mind had been running. Running all night through all the things that burden it. I have been fighting this all week and every day I have been trying to turn it over to God but it just doesnt seem to be working. I keep taking it back and running through it, turning every stone over and over hoping to find something new, see something I never saw before, understand something in a different way.

I know this is a futile and silly exercise my brain does, I know I will find nothing and the running through them will just make me frustrated and angry and exhuasted. I know that God is the only one who is in control of my life right now and he has it all under control and I know that I have to give it back to him but there is a part of me that just takes it back and tortures the rest of me and I dont care for that!

so today once again I turn it all back over to God and I ask I plead with him to take it far away from me so I cant take it back and I cant torture myself anymore.