Monday

Ok so the weekend is done, it was a pretty good weekend I must say. I really enjoyed staying at home and having some R&R time out as well as getting some productive things done so I am happy!

However here we are at Monday again, the dreaded first day of the week. The day you have to face reality again and go back to doing the things you hate doing. I am just praying this will be one of my last weeks at this job. I have a phone interview on thursday with a job at Flight Centre being a travel agent which sounds very promising and I really want the job so fingers crossed that goes well and I get the job and get out of here. I have no idea how I have put up with my job for so long. Its been over a year now, and about 9 months of that year have been hell.

So anyway just a short one today to say I hate mondays but I will face it anyway!

Grey days are inevitable, but there is always bubble baths and Lady Grey Tea!

ok well today is one of those days that we all have every now and then, you know they are out there on the horizon somewhere and its just a matter of time until one strikes you and you better believe when it does it strikes you hard.

So heres how my grey day started,

I woke up relatively late for me, around 9:30am which I was pretty happy about after all its saturday right? I got up feeling a little out of sorts after having another bad night of bad dreams and waking up periodically through out the night. It was grey and rainy outside which just added to my bad day. I sat on the couch for a while trying to wake up while my parents who are living with us at the moment(thats another story) pottered around the house asking me questions that were clearly out of my mental capacity to answer at that time. I switched on the TV while I drank tea and ate toast but there was nothing on as usual so I deliberated on what I should do with my day, considering it was overcast and short bursts of rain were frequenting over the balcony I knew it had to be something indoors and not to far away.

I decided I should go and get dressed and head out at around 11am, thinking I would just be able to throw something on and head out the door but I should have known better. First of all I couldn't find my other sock, I searched through the whole house asking everyone and getting the same response "I dont know" which you just hate when you need to find something. Finally I gave up on the socks and decided to wear different shoes but then my mum found her socks and offered them to me so I decided to go back to wearing my cons. As I was getting my shoes on I realized that I had given my bus pass to my sister last night so she could go out and so therefore had no way of getting to the shopping centre I had decided to go to and buy my sorrows away. My Dad offered to give me some money to get to the shopping centre but then asked me to buy my mum a weekly bus pass (which again is another story) and I could use that to get back. It all got very complicated and a simple get dressed and head out the door to see where I ended up was becoming a trip of running errands and things to do which I hate. Finally someone said something which just pushed me over the edge and I just lost it bursting into tears and running into my room throwing everything down and exclaiming rather dramatically "now I cant go anywhere!"

Luckily my mum in her inifinite powers was able to calm me down and suggested I go for a walk around the bay to calm down before heading off to the shops and not to worry about getting anything if I didnt want to. So I decided to do that, I wondered down to the bay taking deep breaths and fighting back the tears. I texted my sister and my best friend asking if they could meet me this afternoon for coffee both of which rejected for some reason or another which just made me feel even better. So I sat there at the bay feeling sorry for myself not even able to see the boats from the tears in my eyes.

As I sat there trying to calm down it started to rain, at first it wasnt to bad but still bad enough to make me get up and start walking back, as I rounded into the open area it just started to pour completly soaking me as I had also given my umbrella to my sister last night so I was stranded in the pouring rain crying and all alone I didnt think things could get any better from there.

As I trudged up the hill in the pouring rain barely able to see in front of me I called out to God to save me from this never ending misery and take me away back to Siem Reap where I belonged. The usual cry of mine lately.

When I got home my mum just looked at me and laughed as she hugged me and wiped the tears and rain out of my eyes and said, "Jess, my poor little baby just go and have a big long bath and you will feel better!" I cried some more and hugged her back and did exactly what she said as she is my mother and she always knows best.

So I ran a big hot bubble bath, got out all my smelly candels, put on some jazz and floated away letting the soothing water and the sound of those women singing about love and loss take me away and it was great! Just what I needed.

So now I am sitting here with a pot of Lady Grey Tea, all clean and smelling nice and the rain is behind me as I leave it there and think about my future, the future I know God has prepared for me and he WILL get me there someday. Until then there is always bubble baths and Lady Grey Tea.

my how time flies

well it certainly has been a long time since I blogged. So much has happened since then that I dont even know where to begin....

I guess at the beginning, so here's the story

I went to Cambodia to volunteer in November last year and my placement was at a little community School called SHCC (http://www.shcccambodia.org/) and it was perfect. Everything about it was what I had always dreamt of doing, it was like someone had created a life for me and it was just waiting for me to come and find it and I finally did.

From Day 1 I felt at home there, I felt like I belonged in this little community outside of Siem Reap with these beautiful children and kind hearted people. So I got to work helping the Director of the centre Sambath Chourn to build his dream that he had been working on tirelessly for three years. I was in my element loving every day of being there, not wanting it to ever end yet looking forward to the next day to see what it would bring me.

I had the best four weeks of my life in Siem Reap and I fell in love with the place and the people especially one person, Sambath. I didnt even realize what was happening but we spent all day every day together at the school and worked closely and I just thought he was appreciative of the work I was doing for him but then he started to come to the lodge after work and spending time with me outside of school and outside of work and we got to know each other as people and just like everything else it felt so right.

We got close in the time that I was there and I really didnt want to say goodbye but finally the day came when I had to say goodbye and it broke my heart. I will never in my life forget the hug he gave me as we said our goodbyes for the last time, it was a hug that was filled with despair and desperation as he squeezed me so tight into his body as if he was trying to keep something of me on him it was heart breaking.

Since I have come home to Australia, which now no longer feels like home but more like a hell I must endure to get back to my true home Siem Reap, all I have thought about is Siem Reap and Sambath. All I want is to be with him, to be back in that life that felt so right and normal.

So thats the story in a nutshell, thats how I got to here. So now I am on a new journey, a journey that is both exciting and scary. A journey that asks me to give everything to get everything, a journey filled with unknowns and risks yet great joys and fantastic moments of truth and honesty and caring.

So we will see, you never know!

Jess