its been a while... and everything has changed!

and of course a lot has changed.

My life has completely turned upside down, mixed around and put back upright again and now I am just wondering confused and not sure what to do.

So I am headed to Japan with a new job teaching English. Its very exciting but also very scary as I dont know what life is going to be like over there. I dont know where I am going to be living or what school I am going to be teaching at or even when I am going to be there. Its all very unknown and I have to take things one day at a time.

So thats where I am right now, taking things one day at a time, with everything a bit of a mystery getting things one piece at a time.

Its not the most comfortable position to be in but its where I am at and my new motto is to take things as they come and try and embrace where we are at so thats what I am trying to do

what to do on a rainy day with no money?

That is the question that is running through my head right now.

I am laying here this Anzac public holiday trying to relax but getting increasingly bored and wondering what I could be doing today.

I am in the mood for a day cuddled up on a couch in a cute little cafe writing and reading today. But where do I go and how do I get there.

Its also raining and the thought of getting dressed, going out in the rain catching a bus and finding somewhere to go seems all to much for me. I wished I lived in a city like San Fran right now where I could walk down the street and find a number of said cafes to sit in and watch the rain and the people and dream away......

So instead I will stay in bed, listening to michael Buble, writing dream and dreaming of being in San Fran at a trendy cafe listening to michael Buble and writing dream.

cleaning out my closet

yesterday I did a big clean out of my closet and was trying to cull majority of my clothes to give to good will. I realised just how much I have! it was quite overwhelming seeing all my clothes spread out across the two lounges in my living room. I managed to fill a large bag full of clothes to give away but I still think I have too many clothes.

So I have gone on a challenge, the challenge is to not buy another piece of clothing for the season of winter, so from now until August I will not buy a single item of clothing.

I obviously dont need anything else and the money I could save from not buying clothing will definately come in handy for something else even go towards getting me back to cambodia.

So thats my new challenge. Its amazing what comes from cleaning out your closet.

pictures of inspiration

Today I dont want to talk I just want to show you some pictures that have inspired me this week so here they are:

running

I woke up this morning feeling like I had been running! of course I hadnt been literally running, although that probably would have been a better idea, but my mind had been running. Running all night through all the things that burden it. I have been fighting this all week and every day I have been trying to turn it over to God but it just doesnt seem to be working. I keep taking it back and running through it, turning every stone over and over hoping to find something new, see something I never saw before, understand something in a different way.

I know this is a futile and silly exercise my brain does, I know I will find nothing and the running through them will just make me frustrated and angry and exhuasted. I know that God is the only one who is in control of my life right now and he has it all under control and I know that I have to give it back to him but there is a part of me that just takes it back and tortures the rest of me and I dont care for that!

so today once again I turn it all back over to God and I ask I plead with him to take it far away from me so I cant take it back and I cant torture myself anymore.

hmmmm

thats how I feel right now just hmmmmm

there is lots swirling around in my head and its making me feel hmmmm

I resigned on friday from the job from hell and it was bitter sweet my boss was a jerk right till the very end and made me feel like I was doing everyone a favour by going. I start my new job in four weeks and it cant come quick enough really, but now I have to live in this limbo state at this job before I start the new job. So Hmmmm!

Tonight I had an awkward conversation with Sambath and it made my question where all of this is going and wonder if he feels the way I feel at all and whether we really do have a future together and what that would be. So that made me feel hmmm!

This morning we went to a new church, well its an old church but we have never been there before and it was really good holy spirit filled and everything we had been looking for but there were lots of old people there that we used to know and it made me feel like we were going back to the past. So that made me feel hmmm!

So here I am sitting here at 12:09am on a monday morning and I cant sleep because of all these hmmm thoughts and wondering what I should do!

All I can say is hmmmm!

Monday

Ok so the weekend is done, it was a pretty good weekend I must say. I really enjoyed staying at home and having some R&R time out as well as getting some productive things done so I am happy!

However here we are at Monday again, the dreaded first day of the week. The day you have to face reality again and go back to doing the things you hate doing. I am just praying this will be one of my last weeks at this job. I have a phone interview on thursday with a job at Flight Centre being a travel agent which sounds very promising and I really want the job so fingers crossed that goes well and I get the job and get out of here. I have no idea how I have put up with my job for so long. Its been over a year now, and about 9 months of that year have been hell.

So anyway just a short one today to say I hate mondays but I will face it anyway!