endings and new beginnings

I have this awe inspiring feeling at the moment that there are two things happening in my life right now. One part of my life is ending, dying never to return and there is another part just starting to bloom, just beginning.

It feels strange to have the both things happening at once but it also feels right it feels like it has to happen this way for a reason, for this new stuff to be born to begin the old stuff has to die. There needs to be room for the new stuff.

I would love to sit here and spell it all out for you and I, but right now I am feeling like I shouldn't over analyse this like I do but just let it all happen and then figure it out after its happened. I am hearing that I should stand back and let God do his thing and not get involved, sometimes he doesnt need us to do anything but to be open and honest and let him do his thing and thats what I intend to do.

I know this is a very convuluded post that probably makes no sense whatsoever but its just an insight into how I am feeling today.

stress, good news and relationships

Ok so today has been an extremely stressful day at work. That place is such a mess it drives me insane!

but anyway he has been in contact with me again. I cant get him out of my head, he is all I think about and I have been trying to forget about him but he is my new addiction I cant get off it. So anyway he rings me every now and then after I text him and usually its filled with witty banter and affectionate flirting but today he rang me after a week of no communication and it was all business he just wanted the news and the facts and it was like that was all he could do, he wouldn't allow himself to be or do anything else in that moment. It frustrated me as I have been trying to get over him and he can turn around and contact me but it be all business and thats ok.

I dont know I am not with it tonight but I just needed to get that off my chest. The good thing was I have the upper hand because I am the one who can walk away from this with everything I have in tact he is the one who is stuck. So thats what i intend to do.

So for the good news, now that my rant is over. I got news today that I have another investor in my business which is fantastic. They want my business plan so I have to get that together and send it off with my abn and bank account details so thats very exciting news! Everything is happening just the way its meant to I am sure and I can see God starting to join the dots to make a picture and its very exciting.

So today has been a bit of a mixed bag it reminds me of that forest gump saying "life is like a box of chocolate you never know what your going to get" So I'm taking a bite of everything just to see what it is!

yes another one

ok so I know this will be my third post today but I am in a writing mood. I dont know whether its the atmosphere out here on the balcony looking at the ocean enjoying the breeze and the sun or the wine that I am drinking but never the less the words are flowing so lets go with it....

So I am working on my last two assignments of the semester, I dont think I have mentioned this before but I am actually studying. It does take the back seat to everything else that goes on in my life but I am trying to get through the year so far pretty unscathed. However not sure that I am in the right course to begin with. I am currently studying a masters of education and although it has been interesting and I have learnt a great deal I feel like I am out of my depth and probably should have started with something a little more simple. I am considering taking a year off next year and doing a certificate in TESOL teaching as that is ultimately what I want to do. That is the goal to get overseas and teach and apparently all I need is a cert in TESOL so I am looking into that as we speak.

It is literally only 6 weeks until I fly off on my adventure of a lifetime to Cambodia and Thailand I am really looking forward to this trip. It has been a mammoth journey just getting it organized and I know that it will be amazing and life changing so I am starting to let myself get excited about it now. I will definately be writing about my adventures while I am over there considering I will be by myself and will have no one to talk to!

When I get back from my travels I will be looking fervently for a new job and life will start to change for the better hopefully I wont be stressed and I wont be hating every day not that I am now but mostly I feel a huge burden waking up and knowing I have to go to my job for the day.

I love my life, I love what God has done in it and I look forward to what he will do in the future! I know there are many more adventures to come for me and him.

Until next time...

redirection

This morning I wrote a blog asking what fruit has come out of one year of being a church for my current church. After celebrating today at the one year anniversary with the church and hearing about the journey I realized that the fruit is in the every persons life. Everyone who has come in contact with this church has had God do something amazing in their lives including me. Thats enough isn't it? thats perfect fruit and its fruit ordained by God.

The question that got asked of me today was who are you to question what fruit the vine produces? all you have to see is that the vine produces fruit. It doesn't matter what kind it is. I was humbled by this question that God asked of me and I realized that I was being judgmental in my place of safety and should really be asking myself what kind of fruit am I producing in my life? What is God doing in my life or should it be what am I doing for God in my life?

These are hard questions and I have some answers floating around which I will pin down eventually but I think now its time to stop looking at others and start looking at myself. I was reminded of that scripture that says before you point out the spek in your brothers eyes look at the plank in your own.

So my plan is to celebrate the fruit no matter what kind it is, we need many different fruits to make a fruit salad right? lol

I'm all for fruit diversity!

Where is the fruit?

Well there was a lot of things I wanted to blog about today but instead I am going to talk about the first thing that is on my mind Church.

We have recently been going to a new church, we must have been going for a few months now and we love this new church it has been a real blessing for us. It has ministered to us and fed us and God has been in it and its been great. Of course there are things that kind of make us cringe about it and the way they do things but we are trying to look past those things and just worship God since thats what its all about isnt it?

So today is the first year anniversary of this church, they are a young church a church plant still and today marks their one year anniversary so they are having a big celebration and although I am very happy for them that they have made it this far I also have to ask what have they done with this year? What fruit do they have to show from a year of working for the kingdom?

Maybe I shouldnt be so critical, maybe I shouldnt pick everything apart like this but I cant help it, thats what I do.

Although I know this church is a gift from God and I want to accept it whole heartedly the good and the bad there is a part of me something in my heart that wont/cant do it. I cant commit to this church whole heartedly, I dont know whether its me or them? My question is where is the fruit? what kind of fruit are we producing? DO I WANT TO MAKE THAT KIND OF FRUIT?

Is that so unreasonable to ask?