2:08

its 2:08 am monday morning this is a time I never see usually. But today, this morning I am awake, wide awake I have been all night. I went to bed at 10pm and just lay there wide awake and here I am 5 hours later still wide awake. Today has been a very emotional day and there is so much swirling around in my head that its not surprising that I cant sleep.

It amazes me how human beings work sometimes, the way we behave towards each other astounds me. Lately I have been on the receiving end of some very bad human behaviour and some very intense spiritual attack to go along with that. I know it says to rejoice in suffering but sometimes thats just not possible in the moment. I know this will make me stronger, this will shape me and grow me and make me a better person but right now it feels horrible, right now it hurts and its painful and it makes me sad and angry and tired.

I have 6 days left of this situation but I cant predict the future, I cant predict whats going to happen and how its all going to turn out, right now its not looking very good and our agressor is being very crafty and stubborn so I am not sure what he will do. I know it wont be good either way but I am praying and hoping for a more peaceful ending than a traumatic, violent one. I know either way God is my strength and no weapon formed against me shall prosper but it would be nice for him to leave in peace rather than in war. Fingers crossed.

I have no idea how I am going to get up and go to work tomorrow morning I dont see sleep coming to me any time soon.

you know whats really hard, right now I cant even find joy in the simple things of life, they all seem so far away so distant. All this darkness, all this war and dissention and anger has tainted everything I love, everything that gives me joy including my house, my home. I want it gone, I want my house cleansed and cleaned and the Spirit of God to dwell in it again amongst us through us. I want my house of peace back. I wont rest until that happens.

Sinitusitus

ok so I have been diagnosed with sinusitis. I didnt even know it existed but there you go. I have been feeling so bad like I had a snorkelling mask on too tight for days.

Things at home havent been that great either, I am over the whole situation and I just want him to leave. I cant even look at him any more he makes me that mad.

But one thing at a time right....I have to focus on getting better now, I need that mask off my face.

when words fail you visualize it

Tonight I dont have much to say but I will post these images and you can make of them whatever you will.... One day I will explain them all.

knitting attempt one

ok so my first attempt at knitting did not go well. I'm not giving up entirely but I am giving it up for tonight. I know I am not the most patient person but seriously i could not make that work and it was driving me insane!

My friend Mr Hulk was coming out again.... But I managed to keep him at bay this time around.

I have put the needles down and am stepping away to go make a cup of tea. I will pick them up again at some point when I have calmed down and try again to make this knitting thing work.

the new hobby

ok so my new hobby I have decided to take up today is Knitting!

I used to knit when I was child but I gave it up and I dont remember why, because I did really enjoy it.

So now I am back in the game, I bought myself some 7.00 mm needles and 3 balls of wool all for under $5 which was very exciting and I am going to teaching myself how to knit again.

Should be fun, I will keep you all updated on how it goes. My first project is a scarf for my best friends birthday.

So now the thing is to get started, I believe its called casting on.....

the sunshine through the rain!

Today was definately the sunshine through the rain. I have a lovely day, filled with laughter and good conversations and smiling. All of which, have not graced my days for a very long time. I know where it came from too, of course it had to come from him. My amazing, my beautiful, my caring Jesus. He heard my cries, he heard my hearts longings, he heard my fears and my thoughts, he knows exactly what I need when I need it and today he knew I needed to laugh, I needed to smile, I needed to feel calm and comfortable and he delivered in the one place that I never thought it would be possible to feel that way again.

I am so grateful for his loving kindness and the way he watches over me and knows what I need.

My parents come up for the weekend with my sister tonight to deal with our "situation" and although I was anxious about it I feel like its all going to be ok, everyone is going to be ok. Everything will happen the way its meant to happen, just the way God intends it to

judgements and innuendos

grrrr right now I am ropeable! I could turn into the incredible hulk, growl and rip my clothes from myself! This is what happens when people lie and judge! They are the two things that annoy me the most. It makes me so mad when people say things that are saturated in judgement but they pretend that they are not saying anything. When you say your not saying anything you are actually saying something! And its not good!

ok calm down take a deep breath.....

heres a little deeper understanding into my rage fueled rant.... So I was involved in a church family for a few months but I wasnt feeling at home there and it was too far from home. Once my parents left it became impossible to get there and so I started looking for a new church. Meanwhile all this other stuff was going on in life which was making it hard and so recently we have started going back to a church and we are really enjoying it, but most of all its close to home. So today one of the guys, who we were actually pretty close to and I counted as one of my friends, who since we have left has not made any contact with me until today. When he wrote on my wall on facebook "you.can.do.it" so I thought he was reaching out to me and trying to contact again so I replied thanking him and saying I missed him and his response was "I'm not saying anything about you being MIA for weeks" I mean what is that? You are saying something and its loud and clear!

Anyway it just annoys me! not really on topic but I think this definately caused a spark! lol

2nd go around

ok well its been a while, I have been less than inspired over the past year but I am determined to get back into it. I am determined to be inspired again, to follow my passions again and not let life strangle that out of me.

I decided to start off with some quotes, Here are some of the best I have found so far.....

If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra

We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant. There is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks.
Johann Gottfried Von Herder- This one really sparks something inside of me! What are my sparks though? where can I find my sparks to ignite my passions!

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly.
Lanston Hughes

I guess thats enough to get us going at the moment. I dont know what to do with all of this, but there is stuff, there is passion, inspiration, dreams bubbling away inside of me like a fountain about to explode and I dont know what to do with it. I dont know where to channel it, so I dont lose the precious water. I guess thats the journey I am on at the moment